Loveless (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
growingpains) wrote2017-12-30 09:22 pm
growingpains) wrote2017-12-30 09:22 pm
application.
Player Information
Name: Jenni
Age: 26
Contact: PM | Discord: Jenni #2995 | plurk: sparklepire
Current characters: None.
Character Information
Name: Ritsuka Aoyagi "Loveless"
Series: Loveless
Appearance: meow nyaa hiss
Age: 12
Content warning: Loveless as series deals with lot of dark and triggering issues and themes such as different kinds of mental health disorders, child-abuse and self-harm. There is also rather questionable relationship between a minor and an adult -- while it's everything but sexual there's affection that has romantic vibes.
Canon Point: End of vol. 6!
Canon History: See "about" section
Personality:
Ritsuka is very complex kid. He's polite, quite soft spoken, calm and overall soft spoken. On top of that thanks to his interest towards different kinds of literature (varying from western classic novels to Nietzsche's philosophic texts) has made him rather well read! So, overall he's just a pleasant and mature kid to have conversation with. However, if you see this kind of behavior from Ritsuka you most likely are either a grown up or have some other kind of authority. If you’re closer to his own age or otherwise could be considered as an equal to him the chances are that you’ll be seeing a completely different side of him. For an example, in school Ritsuka acts quite aloof and cold towards his classmates. He barely smiles and speaks with short but blunt sentences, often coming out as rude and disinterested. He’s like a tiny old man who wants to read his books in peace and wishes that these other brats would get off his yard.
Both behaviors and images of him are serving the same purpose: he wants to be left alone. He wants to appear as independent and mature kid who has everything under control to adults so that they wouldn’t see a need for any worry. And with other kids it’s just to push them away. Wanting to avoid any extra attention is not only because of his rather anti-social and awkward personality but because well.. He and his family have several skeletons hidden in the closets.
Ritsuka comes from dysfunctional and abusive family that tries to appear as normal as possible, it’s a pretty picture that he also wants to keep maintaining -- mostly because he feels responsible for their messed up situation. Ritsuka suffers from severe dissociative amnesia (there’s also been talk in canon about him having DID, dissociative identity disorder,) and is dealing with depression along with it. Ritsuka can’t remember anything from the time before he turned ten, which is when his personality changed completely from what it had used to be. This, understandably, is very distressing to him and dilutes the way he perceives the reality. What makes this even more complicated and difficult for him to deal with is the fact that he doesn’t necessarily dislike himself or his personality, wanting to believe that he is real and allowed exist but is also constantly reminded by his violently abusive mother that he’s nothing but a fraud. Ritsuka’s mother became hysterical and started to have violent breakdowns around the same time when Ritsuka changed, believing that her child had been taken away from her. She’s manipulative and puts him through different kinds of tests on daily basis, like for an example making different foods for dinner only to observe his reaction (see, real Ritsuka doesn’t like pickled mushrooms, real Ritsuka only likes grilled mushrooms), and beats him if he doesn’t pass them. For a kid who truly cares for his mother and doesn’t like seeing her in pain this causes only more inner turmoil and conflict. Ritsuka doesn’t think it’s bad to live just for himself but how can he do that when his whole existence serves to cause such pain? Part of him wants to keep on living but other part wants him to “disappear” so that real Ritsuka can come back.
One of Ritsuka’s worst fears are to forget and to be forgotten, which is why he’s obsessed with documenting his life by taking pictures of places he visits and people he meets. His fear to forget others is well explained by his severe amnesia and change in personality but his fear of being forgotten by others is more tied into his conflict about his existence: he or anyone else doesn’t remember what “the other Ritsuka” was like or what happened to him, so he fears that if his current self was ever to disappear nobody would remember him.
When taking his family life and mental health into consideration it should not come as surprise to hear that he has difficulties when it comes to trusting others. It’s quite fitting that his “true name”, one that’s been decided by a fate, is Loveless. He feels very uncomfortable when he hears other people telling that they like or love him because he struggles with understanding what “love” as a concept truly means. Of course, he’s not quite sure if he’s even authorized to such feelings. So, it’s not that he can’t feel love – it’s that he’s scared and unsure to receive it. Just like many other children who’ve gone through traumatic experiences at young age Ritsuka has had to mature mentally to be able handle complex issues and feelings (his amnesia, violent mother, death of his brother and not to mention all the bs that Soubi puts him through). He’s become quite thoughtful kid and often wonders about deep and philosophical questions about life and death, trying to find his place in his surroundings and understand what it means to be friends with someone and moral problems in lying to someone and such. He’s just a kid in a very difficult and confusing situation and who’s trying to figure out what life is about.
It’s very important to notice that there’s more to him than just silent thoughtfulness. There’s also good, healthy amount of childish curiosity and activity. He doesn’t only wonder about things but wants to learn more, explore the world and find out about things. Despite being withdrawn and wanting to distance himself from others Ritsuka is lonely and shy. But due to his cynical world view yet curious personality he has ability to actually get along with different kinds of people – especially those who’re also considered to be difficult to get along with. He’s managed to make quite many friends from different age groups and he genuinely enjoys spending time with them and being just.. a normal kid.
While it’s definitely alarming that he’s gotten used to physical violence enough not to fear it he’s learned not to let his mother to have power over him and often does things that will upset her. He doesn’t always let his fear of her to stop him from doing things he wants to or believes to be right. One time when Soubi was severely injured after a battle Ritsuka refused to leave home before he was sure everything was okay with him despite missing the curfew. It's true that Ritsuka can be a tough egg to crack and he warms up to people rather slowly as he approaches with majority of the people with suspicion but once one manages to get close to him they get a loyal and supportive friend. Ritsuka is very protective about his friends and doesn't hesitate to stand up for them. There's been more than just one occasion when he's saved one of his closest friends Yuiko from being bullied at school. The more people he meets and befriends with the more he learns not to fear life and becomes more confident in himself. After all, he’s a good and normal kid.
Abilities:
Ritsuka actually has few unusual abilities/powers! Which.. all are very much useless and non-existent outside of his canon, or at least as long he's by himself. Ritsuka is Sacrifice which means that in a Spell battle he's the one to give out commands to his fighter but also one who suffers the damage and deals with consequences. It's pretty painful part which is one of the reasons why he has pretty good tolerance for pain. Sacrifices are also sort of amplifiers for their fighters, powering up their spells. Ritsuka can also sense when another fighter near him starts to expand their battle aura/declares a battle near him. Supposedly he also has potential to create his own battle style and spells that his fighter can use that are related to his name as Loveless.. However, the canon is VERY vague about these things. He's very inexperienced when it comes to spell battles and hasn't figured out how these things work quite yet so yeah. Pretty useless.
But! What he can do even without Fighter/outside of his canon:
- He's very skillful in first aid. He's treated his own injuries and scars for quite some time by now
- Tolerance for pain stays
- Thanks to his photography hobby he's pretty good at taking pictures and editing them with computer
- He's bit of a gamer!
- He's pretty smart for his age.
Inventory:
His clothes: Winter jacket, boots, pants and shirt.
School bag containing: notebooks, pencase, bus card, wallet, cell phone and digital camera
Sample
Q&A:
What’s worse: self-isolation or rejection?
[Ritsuka frowns a little at the question.]
I don't think I can say for sure since you're not giving enough context. I think it depends on the person and their circumstances. Being rejected is scary for sure. so, uh. [He pauses a bit. How to say this.] I think I understand why someone would want to run away from it. But I believe it's not something anyone should be afraid of.. Even if it might hurt you.
Self-isolation isn't a good thing but I believe it's important to look at the reason behind it and do they hope to gain from it? Some people might use it to protect someone they really care about.
This is all I can answer to you at this point.
What would you say is your best quality?
Uhmm. I do well in school. I can get good grades from every subject without much struggle. But I think that's partly because elementary school is easy. I've also learned to eat new things I didn't think I'd be enjoy before. [That's not really answering to the question.] Other than that uh. I'm pretty good at taking pictures.
Do you see yourself as more logical or emotional?
Logical for sure. I don't see being emotional necessarily as a bad thing but if you listen more to your feelings than to reason you'll easily end up missing what's important.
What’s your idea of a perfect day?
Hmm. I don't think I know an answer to this but umm.. Few days ago I visiting Sou-- my brother's friend. Other were there too. My friends I mean. He had made nabe pot that we all ate together and it was very delicious! After that we played some games together. It got so late that I ended up staying there over the night.
I'm not sure if that's a perfect day but it was fun. We took lot of good memories together.
What kind of impression do you think you give to others?
[Oh. Now his expression grows more solemn and hesitant. He's clearly not comfortable with this question.]
I don't know. Every person sees things differently, don't they? They think of different things and have different expectations. It's impossible for me to know what they think of me or perceive me as. I-I.. I don't really care about these things either.
Do you prefer spending time with many people, a few friends, or by yourself?
To be honest.. Before I thought having others around was just troublesome and annoying. I didn't think much about being around others but now. [A small smile grows to his lips] But now I think it depends. Big crowds are still too noisy but I like going out with my friends, playing games and making memories with them. Even if it's confusing at times.
But then there are times when I like to be alone. Like when I'm studying or reading.
If you could change something about a person you love, would you do it? Why or why not?
[Oh uh. Another bad one.
Ritsuka's ears droop down and his tails begins to sway a little in discomfort as he thinks of the question. Would he change something in someone? Is there something he'd like to change.. Without realizing it he brings his hands together, fingers ghosting over the rope burn marks around his wrists. Aside from irritated skin there's no pain at all.]
I suppose. [There's lot of things he would want to change. He wishes Soubi would be more trustful towards him, that he wouldn't lie. That he would have told the truth about Seimei from the start. He wishes he wouldn't tease him so much or that he'd stop smoking around him. He hates the smell of cigarettes. He wishes Yuiko would read more and mom would lift his curfew. He wishes that Seimei hadn't lied..
"All you need to do is say a word."
But doesn't he have that power, too? Power to change someone.]
I suppose there are some things I would like to change. But I wouldn't do it. I think we all need to be able to decide for ourselves what to do and what we want to be like. It wouldn't be right for me take that away from anyone by changing them.
Name: Jenni
Age: 26
Contact: PM | Discord: Jenni #2995 | plurk: sparklepire
Current characters: None.
Character Information
Name: Ritsuka Aoyagi "Loveless"
Series: Loveless
Appearance: meow nyaa hiss
Age: 12
Content warning: Loveless as series deals with lot of dark and triggering issues and themes such as different kinds of mental health disorders, child-abuse and self-harm. There is also rather questionable relationship between a minor and an adult -- while it's everything but sexual there's affection that has romantic vibes.
Canon Point: End of vol. 6!
Canon History: See "about" section
Personality:
Ritsuka is very complex kid. He's polite, quite soft spoken, calm and overall soft spoken. On top of that thanks to his interest towards different kinds of literature (varying from western classic novels to Nietzsche's philosophic texts) has made him rather well read! So, overall he's just a pleasant and mature kid to have conversation with. However, if you see this kind of behavior from Ritsuka you most likely are either a grown up or have some other kind of authority. If you’re closer to his own age or otherwise could be considered as an equal to him the chances are that you’ll be seeing a completely different side of him. For an example, in school Ritsuka acts quite aloof and cold towards his classmates. He barely smiles and speaks with short but blunt sentences, often coming out as rude and disinterested. He’s like a tiny old man who wants to read his books in peace and wishes that these other brats would get off his yard.
Both behaviors and images of him are serving the same purpose: he wants to be left alone. He wants to appear as independent and mature kid who has everything under control to adults so that they wouldn’t see a need for any worry. And with other kids it’s just to push them away. Wanting to avoid any extra attention is not only because of his rather anti-social and awkward personality but because well.. He and his family have several skeletons hidden in the closets.
Ritsuka comes from dysfunctional and abusive family that tries to appear as normal as possible, it’s a pretty picture that he also wants to keep maintaining -- mostly because he feels responsible for their messed up situation. Ritsuka suffers from severe dissociative amnesia (there’s also been talk in canon about him having DID, dissociative identity disorder,) and is dealing with depression along with it. Ritsuka can’t remember anything from the time before he turned ten, which is when his personality changed completely from what it had used to be. This, understandably, is very distressing to him and dilutes the way he perceives the reality. What makes this even more complicated and difficult for him to deal with is the fact that he doesn’t necessarily dislike himself or his personality, wanting to believe that he is real and allowed exist but is also constantly reminded by his violently abusive mother that he’s nothing but a fraud. Ritsuka’s mother became hysterical and started to have violent breakdowns around the same time when Ritsuka changed, believing that her child had been taken away from her. She’s manipulative and puts him through different kinds of tests on daily basis, like for an example making different foods for dinner only to observe his reaction (see, real Ritsuka doesn’t like pickled mushrooms, real Ritsuka only likes grilled mushrooms), and beats him if he doesn’t pass them. For a kid who truly cares for his mother and doesn’t like seeing her in pain this causes only more inner turmoil and conflict. Ritsuka doesn’t think it’s bad to live just for himself but how can he do that when his whole existence serves to cause such pain? Part of him wants to keep on living but other part wants him to “disappear” so that real Ritsuka can come back.
One of Ritsuka’s worst fears are to forget and to be forgotten, which is why he’s obsessed with documenting his life by taking pictures of places he visits and people he meets. His fear to forget others is well explained by his severe amnesia and change in personality but his fear of being forgotten by others is more tied into his conflict about his existence: he or anyone else doesn’t remember what “the other Ritsuka” was like or what happened to him, so he fears that if his current self was ever to disappear nobody would remember him.
When taking his family life and mental health into consideration it should not come as surprise to hear that he has difficulties when it comes to trusting others. It’s quite fitting that his “true name”, one that’s been decided by a fate, is Loveless. He feels very uncomfortable when he hears other people telling that they like or love him because he struggles with understanding what “love” as a concept truly means. Of course, he’s not quite sure if he’s even authorized to such feelings. So, it’s not that he can’t feel love – it’s that he’s scared and unsure to receive it. Just like many other children who’ve gone through traumatic experiences at young age Ritsuka has had to mature mentally to be able handle complex issues and feelings (his amnesia, violent mother, death of his brother and not to mention all the bs that Soubi puts him through). He’s become quite thoughtful kid and often wonders about deep and philosophical questions about life and death, trying to find his place in his surroundings and understand what it means to be friends with someone and moral problems in lying to someone and such. He’s just a kid in a very difficult and confusing situation and who’s trying to figure out what life is about.
It’s very important to notice that there’s more to him than just silent thoughtfulness. There’s also good, healthy amount of childish curiosity and activity. He doesn’t only wonder about things but wants to learn more, explore the world and find out about things. Despite being withdrawn and wanting to distance himself from others Ritsuka is lonely and shy. But due to his cynical world view yet curious personality he has ability to actually get along with different kinds of people – especially those who’re also considered to be difficult to get along with. He’s managed to make quite many friends from different age groups and he genuinely enjoys spending time with them and being just.. a normal kid.
While it’s definitely alarming that he’s gotten used to physical violence enough not to fear it he’s learned not to let his mother to have power over him and often does things that will upset her. He doesn’t always let his fear of her to stop him from doing things he wants to or believes to be right. One time when Soubi was severely injured after a battle Ritsuka refused to leave home before he was sure everything was okay with him despite missing the curfew. It's true that Ritsuka can be a tough egg to crack and he warms up to people rather slowly as he approaches with majority of the people with suspicion but once one manages to get close to him they get a loyal and supportive friend. Ritsuka is very protective about his friends and doesn't hesitate to stand up for them. There's been more than just one occasion when he's saved one of his closest friends Yuiko from being bullied at school. The more people he meets and befriends with the more he learns not to fear life and becomes more confident in himself. After all, he’s a good and normal kid.
Abilities:
Ritsuka actually has few unusual abilities/powers! Which.. all are very much useless and non-existent outside of his canon, or at least as long he's by himself. Ritsuka is Sacrifice which means that in a Spell battle he's the one to give out commands to his fighter but also one who suffers the damage and deals with consequences. It's pretty painful part which is one of the reasons why he has pretty good tolerance for pain. Sacrifices are also sort of amplifiers for their fighters, powering up their spells. Ritsuka can also sense when another fighter near him starts to expand their battle aura/declares a battle near him. Supposedly he also has potential to create his own battle style and spells that his fighter can use that are related to his name as Loveless.. However, the canon is VERY vague about these things. He's very inexperienced when it comes to spell battles and hasn't figured out how these things work quite yet so yeah. Pretty useless.
But! What he can do even without Fighter/outside of his canon:
- He's very skillful in first aid. He's treated his own injuries and scars for quite some time by now
- Tolerance for pain stays
- Thanks to his photography hobby he's pretty good at taking pictures and editing them with computer
- He's bit of a gamer!
- He's pretty smart for his age.
Inventory:
His clothes: Winter jacket, boots, pants and shirt.
School bag containing: notebooks, pencase, bus card, wallet, cell phone and digital camera
Sample
Q&A:
What’s worse: self-isolation or rejection?
[Ritsuka frowns a little at the question.]
I don't think I can say for sure since you're not giving enough context. I think it depends on the person and their circumstances. Being rejected is scary for sure. so, uh. [He pauses a bit. How to say this.] I think I understand why someone would want to run away from it. But I believe it's not something anyone should be afraid of.. Even if it might hurt you.
Self-isolation isn't a good thing but I believe it's important to look at the reason behind it and do they hope to gain from it? Some people might use it to protect someone they really care about.
This is all I can answer to you at this point.
What would you say is your best quality?
Uhmm. I do well in school. I can get good grades from every subject without much struggle. But I think that's partly because elementary school is easy. I've also learned to eat new things I didn't think I'd be enjoy before. [That's not really answering to the question.] Other than that uh. I'm pretty good at taking pictures.
Do you see yourself as more logical or emotional?
Logical for sure. I don't see being emotional necessarily as a bad thing but if you listen more to your feelings than to reason you'll easily end up missing what's important.
What’s your idea of a perfect day?
Hmm. I don't think I know an answer to this but umm.. Few days ago I visiting Sou-- my brother's friend. Other were there too. My friends I mean. He had made nabe pot that we all ate together and it was very delicious! After that we played some games together. It got so late that I ended up staying there over the night.
I'm not sure if that's a perfect day but it was fun. We took lot of good memories together.
What kind of impression do you think you give to others?
[Oh. Now his expression grows more solemn and hesitant. He's clearly not comfortable with this question.]
I don't know. Every person sees things differently, don't they? They think of different things and have different expectations. It's impossible for me to know what they think of me or perceive me as. I-I.. I don't really care about these things either.
Do you prefer spending time with many people, a few friends, or by yourself?
To be honest.. Before I thought having others around was just troublesome and annoying. I didn't think much about being around others but now. [A small smile grows to his lips] But now I think it depends. Big crowds are still too noisy but I like going out with my friends, playing games and making memories with them. Even if it's confusing at times.
But then there are times when I like to be alone. Like when I'm studying or reading.
If you could change something about a person you love, would you do it? Why or why not?
[Oh uh. Another bad one.
Ritsuka's ears droop down and his tails begins to sway a little in discomfort as he thinks of the question. Would he change something in someone? Is there something he'd like to change.. Without realizing it he brings his hands together, fingers ghosting over the rope burn marks around his wrists. Aside from irritated skin there's no pain at all.]
I suppose. [There's lot of things he would want to change. He wishes Soubi would be more trustful towards him, that he wouldn't lie. That he would have told the truth about Seimei from the start. He wishes he wouldn't tease him so much or that he'd stop smoking around him. He hates the smell of cigarettes. He wishes Yuiko would read more and mom would lift his curfew. He wishes that Seimei hadn't lied..
"All you need to do is say a word."
But doesn't he have that power, too? Power to change someone.]
I suppose there are some things I would like to change. But I wouldn't do it. I think we all need to be able to decide for ourselves what to do and what we want to be like. It wouldn't be right for me take that away from anyone by changing them.